on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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