Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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