god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
