Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
