i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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