Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
