i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
