Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Randomize
