bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Do vagina's smell?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
don't judge my taste in strippers
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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