pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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