i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
