I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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