My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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