I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
