Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
