I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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