i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
