Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
