I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
