Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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