My Higher Power is John Stamos
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
