He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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