I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
In other news, I just burned my penis
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
