you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
