the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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