My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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