So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
bring money and cleavage
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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