I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
