did you get engaged???
from now on my penis is your penis
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
