Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
