Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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