Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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