We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
