He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
