you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize
