What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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