did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Randomize
