i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
