The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You can't just leave with hair like that
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
