I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Randomize
