Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Damn victory sex feels great
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
