what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
