Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
