He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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