Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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