the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
