Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I understand Curling. That high.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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