I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
