That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
