in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
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