Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
