I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
