He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
