he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
