I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
