I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
