I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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