I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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