Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
