dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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