areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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