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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  bc i get to see you. naked.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...

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• (949): View more from California

  He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  You threw up with your ski mask on still.

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• (190): View more from

  All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way

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• (952): View more from Minnesota

  We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.

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• (772): View more from Florida

  She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?

  (845): View more from New York

  Hahah good point

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• (260): View more from Indiana

  All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.

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• (530): View more from California

  She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.

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