sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
