You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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