I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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