can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
