Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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